A little help from my friends...

Off to a good start today - thanks ro a friend who read my blog and sent an encouraging message. It was just what I needed to stick to my commitment to do something active everyday. We slept in unintentionally and were tired, but I put on my workout clothes to take my son to school. I didn't just bring the bag with the clothes in it -- I put them on. Huge step in focusing my energy in the right direction. Grabbed a cereal bar (not ideal but we were late and I remembered all the times sherry (& Jenny) reminded us of why working out before eating is not a good thing. . . Dropped off son - tearful today and staying at school late. I could have gone home and done something unhealthy but the gym was right there and I was prepared. Treadmills were open since it is school vacation week. I set it for 30 min but ended up doing 45, though not at the rate I did a few months ago. I'm slowly working my way back into being more active so have to pace myself (again). I just typed that with "exercise" and erased it. LOL. I'm living a more active lifestyle which can include so much more than traditional exercise activity. Even when I was on the treadmill today, it didn't feel like something I had to do but something I wanted to do. I have the stuffy nose that is the start of a cold- but I did it anyways.

It felt good to start my day like that instead of feeling guilty all day because there was no time to fit it all in.

getting back on track (& soup recipe)

It's been a good couple of days, but i'm still struggling to get back to a routine post-surgery. i feel like i can do more, but am not 100% and because i haven't really exercised for a few weeks, I can really feel the difference in energy and exertion levels. I was shopping this weekend for summer clothes (going to FL in a few weeks for a family event) and was.not.happy.

Even though the scale is "only" about 8 lb more than a year ago, and i know some of that was water near the end of the day (when i didn't take my rx for edema) -- i know whatever has come back has settled not-so-nicely into my belly. It is definitely different, flabby, and i almost think it's currently bigger than when i was pregnant with my son. :( Very disappointing. And, most definitely means that NONE of the few summer pants i wore last year will fit. I tried not to buy a lot because i was *losing* and was sure i'd be smaller next summer...i've been saying that for maybe 5 years (& probably much longer than that) but i'm TIRED of it.

This is so frustrating, and - if i'm being honest - kind of defeatist to see that nothing fits because of my belly flab. It's hard not to feel down at that, and i feel like i'm making excuses when i remember that i've been inactive & eating what others make for the better part of 3 weeks (surgery) and had 2 doses of prednisone since November (asthma/colds/etc). . . i know these things were factors, but i also know that i haven't been as strict about tracking as i should be at times, and have had days where i don't get to eat lunch, haven't planned dinner, etc.

I am trying to work on those things that i can change, and hope that the rest will be back to normal soon. I've been using MyFitPal this week. Today, I hiked for over an hour with my son on the uphill path. The part of the main trail we did was just over a mile (according to pedometer) but we did several side trails to see a waterfall and explore. It was good to get out. My goal is to do at least 30 min of activity everyday this week. I'll be OK if I miss a day, but I'm trying.

I also made a delicious veggie soup last night. It was a combination of several recipes so i'm going to summarize it here. cauliflower potato soup: I LOVE my immersion blender - best Christmas gift this year i think!
1T olive oil - heat over Medium heat.
Add Soup Starter Mixture - onion, carrot, celery -- about 1 lb total, thinly chopped (I bought them fresh from Wegman's and then chopped them a bit more in the mini-chopper)
Cover & cook 2-3 minutes
Add cauliflower (i used 1 whole, florets sliced in half), Vegetable broth/stock (i used 28 oz), thyme, and 2-3 yukon gold potatoes (peeled, quartered, and sliced thin) [i combined potatoes and cauliflower in a bowl and tossed with 1T flour to add to thickening before i added them to the soup pot]
Cover, reduce heat, and simmer at least 20 minutes, or until veggies are tender.
Puree with immersion blender. Salt & Pepper to taste.

***Of course, i wouldn't recommend that you leave it on the counter overnight like i did...hope i get to enjoy more of it next time!

challenging times and update

i didn't intend to go so long between posts but things kept getting in the way - mainly falling asleep at night :( i realized that i forgot to take my iron most of this week so hoping that will fix that issue. It is also a reminder that I need to get back to my priorities. I did, however, keep a few notes for posts that were never written, so i will attempt to copy some of them below so i still have a record of the week.

i have been very frustrated with the scale this week. it went down last week and i thought i was back on track, but creeping up again. i'm sure it is my body readjusting to things after 2 weeks of mostly sedentary recovery from surgery. one step forward, 2 steps back. that has been the story of my life & WL efforts and i'm kind of disappointed that this pattern has returned.

a few notes from the past week (Mostly sunday - tuesday):

 No exercise -- frustration. Feel impact even when walking/shopping past week.  Tired
10 min outside walk w son felt good to be moving again 

monday: Cooked dinner 1st time in 2 wks today.  Time crunch & knew it wouldn't be a favorite. W family but did it anyways...brown rice, mashed beans w garlic, topped w cheese (1/4- 1/3 c total ) baked.  W tortilla. would have been better without the tortilla and with some broccoli but better than grabbing pasta, mac & cheese, or 'snack' food while i was out.

Felt good to know I had more control over meal after 2 wks relying on others

Low on veggies today  but feel as if were heading in right direfcrion. 

Skipped DD .  Really Tempted by vending machine steps from office door. But I did not do it.  
Oatmeal w p.b. Mixed in (1 t measured) & raisins.  Snack pack sweethearts (an old v-day tradition but i did not buy a whole bag). Thai - extra veggie.
    

which brings me to today...i'm feeling a bit down this week. i know i could be making better choices in some areas, need to add exercise slowly again (hand will limit me for a while but i can still move my legs & walk!). i'm going to a wedding in a month and want to at least lose what i gained from the 2 courses of prednisone in december and surgery this month. i know it is good to have a goal, but part of me feels like i don't want to set one because i probably won't make it...defeatist i know...it's probably an 80/20 split between thinking that i can work towards it and feeling as if i can't...

these are challenging days but hopefully i'll look back on them and see once again how far i've come. i'm still in a better place than i was a year ago but i feel like it's a constant challenge to find and stay motivated and positive right now (and also that i NEED to find a way through that and remember that i am worth it and slowly i'll get there.

the beginning of the blog

i've been on my journey for a while now so i'm just going to jump in. if i wait until i have a formal intro for anyone who might read this, i'll never start. i've done that before. i've even kept a journal on a parenting site but have been very neglectful of it lately...i keep one on paper for my son - started the month before he was born --and it too is woefully out of date. i've been busy chasing him around and working and spending quality time doing things WITH my family as well as a few for myself too. I allegedly blog for a local parenting site --often think of things to write but always when i am not in a position to actually write them.

Does anyone notice a pattern here?

i'm adding this blog to my quest to focus on me this year, which is building on my quest last year...when i think about it, my journey to lose weight is mine alone and i need to be OK carving out time for it...even if others think it is a "waste." i am not, and i need to remind myself that i deserve and need better on this journey.

THE TITLE
it came to me before i fully committed to writing and without much thought but it can have so many meanings...i'm sure anyone who has lost weight (or tried to) has had well-meaning friends or relatives tell them they "CAN'T" have something but i don't agree. and, yes, i DID eat a brownie last night but:

... i am STILL working toward my goals
...i knew it was not the most healthful choice
...i am responsible for my own choices and i made this one
...and i do not hate myself for it
...i do not feel like the world is over, but that tomorrow is another day
...l am still here
...and i am still living a healthier life than even a few months ago

i am in the midst of a healthy life journey...and i still ate the brownie. the two are not mutually exclusive.