You are a child of the Universe..."

no time for a long post yet-but over the past couple of days, I've been thinking a lot. Letting go.  Moving forward. Feeling calmer after a few challenging days. For some reason, this poem has been stuck in my head. I haven't read it in years but the words were clear in my memory -especially the last part "you are a child of the universe..." has stuck with me. So, I am posting to remind myself of that.

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

“

Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata".

A new day -- A new Journey

It's been a while - not for lack of thought, but distractions -- and there have been many...

I am not Catholic, and do not "give up" for Lent, but try to take time to be more reflective or give time to others during this time. So, this year - as part of a challenge in a Facebook group (of inspiring people sharing this lifetime journey), I decided that trying to find the time that i deserve for myself was important. I reflect in writing, so I decided I would commit to blogging here every day of Lent. . .that was a week ago, so clearly not quite happening according to plan.

But, i am here now and will hope I find a way to get here in the remaining 35 or so days. It may be short some days, but i'm hoping useful to look back on.

I've been working and thinking a lot about the root causes of my struggle with weight. it's been there since i was about 13 or 14, though it never really bothered me as much as it did those around me. In the past few weeks, i have realized that at some point, it became about control. I'm still trying to put all of those pieces together, but it made sense at least when i was younger. That's another post entirely, and one that has taken more than 20 years to recognize but definitely part of things. I'm very analytical, so i always want to ask 'why' and do my best to find out. It is not easy to just let things be -- though I am very open-minded and accepting of others, apparently that does not always carry over to myself, and I always ask "why" because i want to understand, to be prepared for the next time, or prevent the same situation entirely. Sometimes, i think i spend so much energy trying to figure out the 'why' rather than finding a way to simply accept and move ahead.

Today, we started discussing hunger and triggers for it, etc. I made poor choices when i was stressed, nervous/anxious about the rest of the day, and driving.  I recognized that I could be making better choices today, yet -- i ate the poor choices anyway. I ate several munchkins (fail #1). Felt crappy afterwards because i haven't had that for at least 6 mos. Took a deep breathe, dove into my work for the afternoon, and thought that would be it (especially since i recognized it). . .but i did it again later in the day - driving home i wanted to steal a few minutes of quiet and calm.  Yoga breathing would have sufficed but not today -- when i went into cvs to get a single item and ended up with 3, including chocolate. and....

i ate it. Disappointed and frustrated by myself since i *knew* when i was there that i should not get it. At the same time, I did so voluntarily -- and had zero willpower when i needed it. I know i am finding comfort in food; finding something to do instead of simply driving around for hours as i seek that quiet few minutes of time. Feeling like i'm heading in two directions at once, and my solution is to freeze and hope that someone else can make the choice. I deserve better though, and this is my struggle.  I wonder if i'm happy at my core, and what i will need to change in order to move beyond that. it just seemed so crystal clear to me today - though the solution did not.

tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for reading (if you are) - please leave a comment to let me know what you think!