I was going to call this "The Best Decision I Ever Made..." but I think my husband might object to that ;) Also, there are few absolutes in life, so this has become ONE of the best...
It doesn't have a lot to do directly with weight loss, but health and wholeness and being in touch with the things that make you tick....and it changed my life.
A few years ago, I decided to sign up for a yoga class. I'd always wanted to try it but wasn't sure how my body with fibromyalgia and carpal tunnel and inflexibility would hold up. But I finally did - and in the years since, have noticed a real change in so many things. I never imagined that an hour a week could make such a difference. I had to stop going to classes when I had a surgery on my wrist about 2 years ago; then my work schedule changed, my family life got busier, and the class no longer fit my schedule. I have missed it, but have realized the importance of taking that time in my day to just "be" and be still and listen. I have become more aware of the energy in the universe and how to work with it not against it. I have met inspiring people (thanks, Anne!) who understand the same things - and continue to share their own journey and inspirations to help the rest of us on the journey. Although I have not taken a class in 2 years, I can still "hear" the guided wisdom of my former instructor everyday. -- thanks to the internet and Facebook.
My day is not complete without the 10 minutes of quiet breathing and meditation before I get up. Occasionally, I oversleep and must jump out of bed without this time for some reason - but I never really feel 'settled' into the day. If it's a particularly good day, I can spend some time to do a couple of poses -the tree pose is a favorite (I think because my son learned it in preschool and we used to do it together -- standing up and lying down). I ground myself as i prepare for the day. On a recent stressful day, I also found myself stopping in the middle of the day to meditate and give myself permission to tune in to the positive energies around me rather than getting sucked into the negative. The 5-10 minutes stopped an afternoon of feeling anxious in its tracks. It was not the first time, but in that moment, I realized how substantially walking into that class 3 years ago changed not just my physical issues at the time, but my entire perspective and ability to connect with the world around me...with myself...to listen...to learn...to feel. I don't think some of the other work I've been doing recently would be possible without that new awareness of feeling and learning to be OK with the energy around me. to move through it instead of trying to jump over it or run away from it.
It is not something that happened overnight, or something i will ever say is "done," but the awareness is a very big tool in the journey I am on. And I am fortunate that I have met some amazing people who have been doing this much longer than I have and share their wisdom along the way. ironically, I have discovered that it takes a village to find your own truth. Learning to recognize and be at peace with that, with myself and my past, and how I got to be here in my life is so important in learning to live through and in the future i am trying to move towards. My change is happening from the inside out and I'm learning to embrace that every day.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
So..this is turning into the "once-a-week-everyday" blog. Lol
There is so much going on right now and just not enough time to sit down and give it justice. This is the problem, I suppose, with the state of trying always to figure things out.
I keep coming back to going with the flow, letting things happen as part of growth and life, and not trying to fight against them, the idea that life is a journey and not a race.
I think the change of seasons - even if only on the calendar- gives me renewed energy and realizations. Things become more clear, my mood changes, and things seem to fall into place. I wish I could put this feeling in a bottle for the rest of the year.
It's the season of renewal, and giving myself time and permission to renew my spirit is a big part of that. I may not be writing everyday, but I am trying to do it in other ways. A particular musician who I love is performing nearby this weekend-- I put off buying tickets, but finally just decided that I was going to do it, that I deserve the time for me. Luckily, they had literally 3 left! I'm going alone, but I'm committed to enjoying that space. I sometimes forget that time with and for myself is at least as essential as the time I spend on others. When I was younger, I played the violin-- and it fed my soul. Of course, I couldn't explain or understand that at the time, but when I was feeling sad or confused or uncertain, out came the violin and suddenly my world was calm again; and I'm looking forward to being in that moment at the concert.
It could be food I eat, or so many more components of my life.., but I am learning to let go, to believe that I deserve to be happy, and that I matter. To know that, and to truly believe that and live within that belief are two very different things-- which I have realized is essential to changing my path in life. I am a child of the universe...and I deserve to be happy...
Thank you all for sharing this crazy journey with me. There are people and visions and opportunities that influence you at just the right time...and that is what makes this more sustainable in the long run.
There is so much going on right now and just not enough time to sit down and give it justice. This is the problem, I suppose, with the state of trying always to figure things out.
I keep coming back to going with the flow, letting things happen as part of growth and life, and not trying to fight against them, the idea that life is a journey and not a race.
I think the change of seasons - even if only on the calendar- gives me renewed energy and realizations. Things become more clear, my mood changes, and things seem to fall into place. I wish I could put this feeling in a bottle for the rest of the year.
It's the season of renewal, and giving myself time and permission to renew my spirit is a big part of that. I may not be writing everyday, but I am trying to do it in other ways. A particular musician who I love is performing nearby this weekend-- I put off buying tickets, but finally just decided that I was going to do it, that I deserve the time for me. Luckily, they had literally 3 left! I'm going alone, but I'm committed to enjoying that space. I sometimes forget that time with and for myself is at least as essential as the time I spend on others. When I was younger, I played the violin-- and it fed my soul. Of course, I couldn't explain or understand that at the time, but when I was feeling sad or confused or uncertain, out came the violin and suddenly my world was calm again; and I'm looking forward to being in that moment at the concert.
It could be food I eat, or so many more components of my life.., but I am learning to let go, to believe that I deserve to be happy, and that I matter. To know that, and to truly believe that and live within that belief are two very different things-- which I have realized is essential to changing my path in life. I am a child of the universe...and I deserve to be happy...
Thank you all for sharing this crazy journey with me. There are people and visions and opportunities that influence you at just the right time...and that is what makes this more sustainable in the long run.
Monday, March 17, 2014
You are a child of the Universe..."
no time for a long post yet-but over the past couple of days, I've been thinking a lot. Letting go. Moving forward. Feeling calmer after a few challenging days. For some reason, this poem has been stuck in my head. I haven't read it in years but the words were clear in my memory -especially the last part "you are a child of the universe..." has stuck with me. So, I am posting to remind myself of that.
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
“
Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata".
Thursday, March 13, 2014
A new day -- A new Journey
It's been a while - not for lack of thought, but distractions -- and there have been many...
I am not Catholic, and do not "give up" for Lent, but try to take time to be more reflective or give time to others during this time. So, this year - as part of a challenge in a Facebook group (of inspiring people sharing this lifetime journey), I decided that trying to find the time that i deserve for myself was important. I reflect in writing, so I decided I would commit to blogging here every day of Lent. . .that was a week ago, so clearly not quite happening according to plan.
But, i am here now and will hope I find a way to get here in the remaining 35 or so days. It may be short some days, but i'm hoping useful to look back on.
I've been working and thinking a lot about the root causes of my struggle with weight. it's been there since i was about 13 or 14, though it never really bothered me as much as it did those around me. In the past few weeks, i have realized that at some point, it became about control. I'm still trying to put all of those pieces together, but it made sense at least when i was younger. That's another post entirely, and one that has taken more than 20 years to recognize but definitely part of things. I'm very analytical, so i always want to ask 'why' and do my best to find out. It is not easy to just let things be -- though I am very open-minded and accepting of others, apparently that does not always carry over to myself, and I always ask "why" because i want to understand, to be prepared for the next time, or prevent the same situation entirely. Sometimes, i think i spend so much energy trying to figure out the 'why' rather than finding a way to simply accept and move ahead.
Today, we started discussing hunger and triggers for it, etc. I made poor choices when i was stressed, nervous/anxious about the rest of the day, and driving. I recognized that I could be making better choices today, yet -- i ate the poor choices anyway. I ate several munchkins (fail #1). Felt crappy afterwards because i haven't had that for at least 6 mos. Took a deep breathe, dove into my work for the afternoon, and thought that would be it (especially since i recognized it). . .but i did it again later in the day - driving home i wanted to steal a few minutes of quiet and calm. Yoga breathing would have sufficed but not today -- when i went into cvs to get a single item and ended up with 3, including chocolate. and....
i ate it. Disappointed and frustrated by myself since i *knew* when i was there that i should not get it. At the same time, I did so voluntarily -- and had zero willpower when i needed it. I know i am finding comfort in food; finding something to do instead of simply driving around for hours as i seek that quiet few minutes of time. Feeling like i'm heading in two directions at once, and my solution is to freeze and hope that someone else can make the choice. I deserve better though, and this is my struggle. I wonder if i'm happy at my core, and what i will need to change in order to move beyond that. it just seemed so crystal clear to me today - though the solution did not.
tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for reading (if you are) - please leave a comment to let me know what you think!
I am not Catholic, and do not "give up" for Lent, but try to take time to be more reflective or give time to others during this time. So, this year - as part of a challenge in a Facebook group (of inspiring people sharing this lifetime journey), I decided that trying to find the time that i deserve for myself was important. I reflect in writing, so I decided I would commit to blogging here every day of Lent. . .that was a week ago, so clearly not quite happening according to plan.
But, i am here now and will hope I find a way to get here in the remaining 35 or so days. It may be short some days, but i'm hoping useful to look back on.
I've been working and thinking a lot about the root causes of my struggle with weight. it's been there since i was about 13 or 14, though it never really bothered me as much as it did those around me. In the past few weeks, i have realized that at some point, it became about control. I'm still trying to put all of those pieces together, but it made sense at least when i was younger. That's another post entirely, and one that has taken more than 20 years to recognize but definitely part of things. I'm very analytical, so i always want to ask 'why' and do my best to find out. It is not easy to just let things be -- though I am very open-minded and accepting of others, apparently that does not always carry over to myself, and I always ask "why" because i want to understand, to be prepared for the next time, or prevent the same situation entirely. Sometimes, i think i spend so much energy trying to figure out the 'why' rather than finding a way to simply accept and move ahead.
Today, we started discussing hunger and triggers for it, etc. I made poor choices when i was stressed, nervous/anxious about the rest of the day, and driving. I recognized that I could be making better choices today, yet -- i ate the poor choices anyway. I ate several munchkins (fail #1). Felt crappy afterwards because i haven't had that for at least 6 mos. Took a deep breathe, dove into my work for the afternoon, and thought that would be it (especially since i recognized it). . .but i did it again later in the day - driving home i wanted to steal a few minutes of quiet and calm. Yoga breathing would have sufficed but not today -- when i went into cvs to get a single item and ended up with 3, including chocolate. and....
i ate it. Disappointed and frustrated by myself since i *knew* when i was there that i should not get it. At the same time, I did so voluntarily -- and had zero willpower when i needed it. I know i am finding comfort in food; finding something to do instead of simply driving around for hours as i seek that quiet few minutes of time. Feeling like i'm heading in two directions at once, and my solution is to freeze and hope that someone else can make the choice. I deserve better though, and this is my struggle. I wonder if i'm happy at my core, and what i will need to change in order to move beyond that. it just seemed so crystal clear to me today - though the solution did not.
tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for reading (if you are) - please leave a comment to let me know what you think!
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